The Doomed Crossover
by Trip
Summary: Only on Ripley's Believe it or Not we find our favorite Irken with two idoits, why r Jay and Silent Bob at the Hiskool?
1. Strangers

Trip: Hi! This is our first Invader Zim/Jay and Silent Bob fic! I own Jay and Silent Bob  
  
Demented Fairy: and i own invader Zim, Gaz, GIR, and Dib. ok, ok. I really don't...but I wish I did!  
  
Trip: Well, at least I own Jay  
  
*Jay gets taken away*  
  
Trip: NO!! *chases after Jay*  
  
DF: *watches Trip run off after Jay* hmph. oh well. i guess it's just me now. make sure to check back for the next chapter.......or you will face the consequences......a room with a MOOSE!  
  
Trip: *Comes back* You forgot, REVIEW!! PLEASE REVIEW!!! *chases after Jay again, Silent Bob trying to keep up*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"No ears Zim!? Is that part of your skin condition?"  
  
"Yes...."  
  
  
  
5 Years Later....  
  
  
  
"Remaing forever small Zim?! Is THAT part of your skin condition too!?" Dib demanded once again on the first day of school. The first day of their senior year actually....  
  
"Yes, to you I will be an abnormal little green midget fiend, but YOU Dib will always remain bologne deep down!"  
  
"Bologne? I am not bologne"  
  
"Yes, yes you are, worm baby."  
  
"Sit, dirty children."  
  
Yes, she had them all bewildered, but through all their school careers, Ms. Bitters had been their teacher.  
  
"Ms. Bitters, I need punch now!"  
  
"Punch, Zim?" Dib asked looking oddly at the green alien.  
  
"I mean, I must go!" Zim stood and left the room. In the hallway he saw to stink beasts he had never seen before. One had long blonde, umm, antennas like human's had growing from it's head, and the fat other worm baby, had these antennae from his face as well. The two were talking to Dib's little sibling, Gaz he believed.  
  
Zim stopped and watched them for a minute  
  
"Wait, I know that one chubby worm. His name is Bob, I believe. He's a weird one. THE WORM NEVER SPEAKS!"  
  
Zim then walked over to the trio and stood there staring at Bob. His eye twitching slighty.  
  
"Dude, you're fucked up man," the blonde one stated. Bob nodded his head in agreement.  
  
"Why doesn't he speak! I demand to know why the chubby one doesn't speak!" Zim demanded in his usual spastic manner.  
  
"Dude, he's not fat! He just doesn't fucking crap enough!"  
  
Bob nodded in agreement.  
  
"Ok, so lunchbox, this bitch says we have to go to the office and enroll ourselves, right?"  
  
The blonde was met with a fist in his face.  
  
"Who's the bitch now?" Gaz said, leaning over the man curled up on the floor.  
  
"Why are these old worms enrolling?" Zim asked.  
  
"Secret." he said quickly.  
  
"Who are you any way?"  
  
"I'm Jay, and this is my hetero-life mate, Silent Bob."  
  
Bob waved his hand in a silent response. (what else is new?)  
  
"Silent Bob?" Zim questioned.  
  
"Yeah, duh. He's quiet. Get it?" Gaz retorted.  
  
"You! You disgusting stink beast! You brother is Dib, am I correct?" Zim accused pointing a slender green finger.  
  
"Unfortunately," Gaz replied simply. It was surprising she didn't punch Zim in the face also.  
  
"Wait, I forgot something," she stated quickly before kicking Zim in the stomach. He fell to the floor in a heap while reaching his arm out.  
  
"You will meet your fate slave!" Zim cried before she left leading Jay and Silent Bob to the office. He then lay on the floor scheming for his next plan of revenge.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Gaz who are those guys?" Dib asked, pointing at Jay and Silent Bob following them home.  
  
"friends." she answered not looking up from her GS3.  
  
"Friends? it could be a trap."  
  
She hit pause and looked at him, "You realized the only reason your alive i cause dad would ground me for killing you."  
  
"Watch out for Zim."  
  
Gaz tried to ignore the pathetic ramblings of her brother. She moved into his path so that he walked into a mud puddle trying to avoid her. She smiled, and pulled her headphones onto her ears. 


	2. Scary Monkey Show

"Dude, Silent Bob, check this shit?" Jay said holding up what looked like a palm piolet. Dib ran up behind him, and took the equipment from his hand.  
  
"What part of don't touch my dad's stuff part don't you understand?"  
  
Jay shrugged, and picked up a small bag of computer chips, "Look! A distraction!" he said pointing in the other direction. Dib turned and Jay shoved the bag in his coat pocket.  
  
Dib turned his head back around and looked at Jay suspiciously.  
  
"I have my eye on you!" Dib exclaimed. "Don't think that for one moment I won't have my eye on you allowing YOU TWO to cause trouble. Nothing gets by me!"  
  
Dib then walked over towards Gaz leaving Jay and Silent Bob snickering behind his back.  
  
"I'd be careful if I were you Gaz. You can't trust those kind..." Dib whispered while sitting down quietly next to Gaz.  
  
Gaz looked up from her video game and glared at him through her dark outlined eyes. "Did I say you could sit there?"  
  
Dib jumped up immediately, and Jay was in his place before he knew what happened. Jay clicked on the TV just as an entrance theme came on:  
  
"Welcome to the world of Mysterious Mysteries."  
  
Dib jumped in front of the tv quickly.  
  
"Not this alien shit," Jay quickly began flipping through the channels, and Dib looked as though Christmas had been canceled.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Zim sat in his lab chair which extended from the computer.  
  
"Computer, tell me what you know of this Jay and Silent Bob."  
  
"SEARCH INCONCULSIVE"  
  
"What do you mean inconclusive?"  
  
"Inconclusive- unable to comp-"  
  
"I know what it means, computer, run a diagnostic, you've gone CRAZY!" Zim slammed his gloved fist down and climbed out to the living room, where GIR was watching the Scary Monkey Show.  
  
"I luv this show!" Gir jumped and hugged the television. Zim rolled his eyes at the small robot  
  
"Gir, we don't have time for this nonsense! I need you to do something for me....."  
  
Gir jumped up immediately, his eyes glowing red, and hand held in salute. "Yes master!"  
  
"Goooood..." Zim muttered while rubbing his hands together in a rather evil way. An amusing, yet sinister look came to his luminous red eye.  
  
"I need you to go on a little mission with me over to Dib's house. I have concluded that Jay and this...Silent Bob...are hiding out at his house. My Irken (sp?) instincts tell me that there is more to this duo than just poor hygiene and excessive swearing. WE MUST FIND OUT THEIR TRUE MOTIVES!! Are you with me Gir?"  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" Gir responded.  
  
"Very good. You are free to go back to that Scary Monkey Show of yours. I must go back down to the lab and devise more of this plan."  
  
Gir's eyes then went back to a funky aqua blue and returned his gaze to the diseased monkey on the TV screen. Zim headed out of the room while laughing insanely.  
  
Gaz sat in her room, headphones on her head, and Blink 182 blaring into her ears. There was a knock on her door, but she decided not to answer it. The knocking contuined until she heard a loud, "YOU'D BETTER NOT BE NAKED!" Then the door opened to reviel Dib. He walked across the room, and pried the phones off her head.  
  
"Where are those to dorks sleeping?"  
  
"Your room, you on the couch."  
  
"Why my room?"  
  
"Because you're lucky you're not wearing you spleen on the outside," she replaced her headphones, and pulled her GS3 off her nightstand, and loaded the "Vampire Piggys" into the back.  
  
Dib looked at her wide-eyed, ready to say something, but thought better of it and left her room muttering words under his breath, such as "up-tight" and "bitch."  
  
He walked sullenly down the hallway and to his room, getting the materials he would need for sleeping out in the living room. As he was rummaging through the top shelf of his closet for a pillow, he heard an odd noise down in the yard. He dropped the blanket he had been holding and quickly turned off his room light, in hopes that whatever was down there, didn't see him through the window. He dropped to the floor and quietly made his way to the window and peeked carefully over the window seal.  
  
"It's Zim! I knew it!" he whispered anxiously. "He must be up to another scheme of his again...I'll catch him at his game this time."  
  
He then crept out of his room, walking quietly down the hallway, not noticing Gaz's absence as he passed her room.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Demented Fairy: *mysterious music plays in background* oh the suspense! Gaz is missing and Zim's (or is it?) is creeping around in Dib's front yard. when will the mystery die, DIE, DIE!!!  
  
Trip: Die, isn't that kinda a little extreme, might ruin the plot  
  
Demented Fairy: *shifty eyes* yes...maybe.... how about....doom, doom, DOOM!!!!  
  
Mrs. Bitters: Go home now  
  
Demented Fairy: wait! don't go just yet! we want to know what you thought!  
  
Jay: So review  
  
Trip: The li'l stoner's got a point  
  
Demented Fairy: dude! where'd he come from?!  
  
Trip: Found him *shifty eyes* GOTTA GO!! *drags Jay off in back ground*  
  
Demented Fairy: *giggles in amusement* well, I've gotta go too *looks around suspiciously for Draco* Oops! *blushes slightly* wrong fanfic! .toodles and don't forget to review 


	3. The Lair

Gaz struggled against the odd alien restraints that Zim had put on her. It had pissed her off so bad because she had to just  
  
gotten to level 1, 478, 230 when Zim had grabbed her through her window and hid her in the bushes.  
  
"If I hadn't been wearing my damn headphones I would have heard him..." Gaz mused to herself. "Where's an extra ¡Poop! soda when ya need  
  
one."  
  
Zim had disappeared a while ago and she thought she heard him go inside the house. Now she was stuck here with his little buddy he liked to  
  
call "Gir."  
  
"He's a funny looking dog thing..." she thought to herself. She watched him as he engulfed a whole taco and was now in the process of  
  
unwrapping a chocolate cupcake.  
  
"Why am I here?" she asked the small...dog-like creature. Gir jumped and wrapped himself around Gaz's leg.  
  
"I luv you!" he squealled, then smashed the cupcake into his mouth, getting crumbs on her boots in the process. Gaz began to growl, and  
  
lightening flashed in the background. She kicked at the animal, and he began to cry. Gaz looked evilly at him with that one eye thing, as Zim  
  
entered the room, cracking his knuckles.  
  
"Hello Dib sister stinkbeast."  
  
"Let me go Zim."  
  
"Not until you tell me all you know about this Jay and Silent Bob."  
  
"Jay and Silent Bob? I'm going to kill you Zim."  
  
"Kill me? *insert sinister evil laugh here* I think not! Tell me what you know about this Jay and Silent Bob."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"YES! YES! YES! You disgusting worm baby! Obey the fist and tell me now!" Zim demanded shoving his fist in her face.  
  
"No."  
  
"Argh!!!" Zim cried out in frustration"  
  
"Hey, you fucking pansy! What you doing foo?" Jay demanded, coming from the kitchen behind Zim.  
  
"YOU!" Zim cried pointing an accusing green finger.  
  
Silent Bob stood...quietly...next to Jay shaking a rather impolite finger towards him.  
  
"Get away from that bitch!"  
  
Gaz would have said something, but was slightly happy Jay and Silent Bob had shown up.  
  
"No! How did you infultrate my base?" Zim asked the quiet one. Silent Bob shrugged, and looked at Jay.  
  
"You gonna let my slut go?" Jay said, but was surprized by another crack of thunder in the background.  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Yes foo' "  
  
"Get away wormbaby!"  
  
Jay looked at the small alien in the "clever" disguise.  
  
"That's it, we're kicking your little green ass."  
  
Silent Bob cracked his knuckles, and took a drag of the cigarette that had taken nearly permmit residence in his mouth, before pounding his thick  
  
fist in the small things face.  
  
"Good lunchbox, you take the freak, I'll take the dog."  
  
Bob nodded, and proceeded to kick Zim's ass. Jay closed in on the robot, but Gir slipped away, and alluded Jay all throughout the house  
  
Dib sneaked into Zim's front yard, making sure to avoid the gaze of the short ugly lawn gnomes. He was wearing a stealth  
  
attire consisting of all black pants, a black shirt, and his normal black trenchcoat. He had odd looking night vision goggles attached to his greasy  
  
face and quietly made his way to the house.  
  
As he advanced, he could see the silhouettes of who he only thought could be Silent Bob, Zim, and Gaz. He then heard a sound from Zim's roof  
  
and quickly dove into the bushes. As he looked up to see what it was, he noticed it was Jay chasing Zim's little dog creature around on the roof.  
  
He watched as Gir slid down the side of the roof and into the bushes with him. Dib quickly began to move to get out of Jay's way, but ended up  
  
landing right on top of him with a loud thud. He soon heard the commotion inside the house cease.  
  
"You insolent fool, he heard us!"  
  
"Yo dude, who you calling foo'?!"  
  
"You've blown my cover!" Dib stated looking him straight in the eye.  
  
Jay was fixing to rip the night vision goggles off of Dib's face when Gir suddenly popped up in between the two of them sipping a ¡Poop! soda.  
  
The incessant sucking of the straw trying to get the last few drops of the drink at the bottom of the cup was driving both Dib and Jay crazy.  
  
Dib ripped the cup from Gir, and threw it at the gnomes in the yard. Jay looked at Dib, then at Gir, who was currently chasing  
  
the cup, then back to Dib.  
  
"Thanks for the landing, greaz' ball," Jay jumped and followed Gir.  
  
Dib stealthily found his way into Zim's lair, and saw, well a quite funny site. The tubby trenched coated guy on top of Zim, knocking the shit out of  
  
him, and Gaz in some sort of alien restraint looking like the next person to touch her would die. He decided to take the risk, undid the surprisingly  
  
simple bonding, and jumped back, for fear of her wraith. Gaz simple tapped Bob on the shoulder, and he looked at her, and climbed off the  
  
smushed Irken. She leaned over Zim, and took a long metal thing off the ground, and pressed it against the pressure point on Zim shoulder, until  
  
he was crying in pain. She stood satisfied.  
  
"Come on Bob, let's find Jay," Gaz said pulling at Silent Bob's green trench coat. She turned and looked at the crumbling alien, who had lost one  
  
contact, his wig was askew, and one antenna stuck out at a funny angle, "Zim, never touch me again."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trip: Another Chapter?  
  
Demented Fairy: I would say so. Whew! *wipes forehead* Dude, whoever thought it would be so hard to write such nonsense.  
  
Trip: Nonsense? This has Pulitzer written all over it!  
  
Demented Fairy: Yeah, Pulitzer for the most fucked-up shit to ever be written!  
  
Jay: Yeah foo' represent  
  
Demented Fairy: Dude! There he is again! It's so cool how random people can just pop up whenever they want. That is the  
  
glorious wonder of ff.net!!  
  
Silent Bob: *shrug, nod*  
  
Gaz: He's cool like that  
  
Tak: How does Zim get a fanfic, and not me?  
  
Demented Fairy: Ooo! Look! It's Zim's competition!  
  
Jay: Who's the bitch with the blue on her head?  
  
Demented Fairy: That my friend, is the coolest bitch to ever walk this Earth. *gets evil look from Gaz* Next to Gaz of course!  
  
Trip: Yeah man, evil chicks rock!  
  
Demented Fairy: *applauds* Rock on, rock on! Well, I guess we should end this note. It's almost longer than the story!  
  
Trip: Yeah, please review!!!! *walks off, Jay and Gir follow her, Jay trying to sell her pot*  
  
Demented Fairy: Toodles! *runs off to catch up with Trip, Jay, and Gir* Hey, sell me some!  
  
Silent Bob: *looks confused, throws used cigarette down, and follows the entourage* 


	4. Rendevouz in the Bushes

Gaz stomped angerily into her house, Jay, Silent Bob, and Dib following her. Jay held a green doggie hood in his  
  
hand, and Bob held the glove to an Irken uniform in his. Dib kept far enought to know what was good for him, he hadn't been Gaz's brother for 16  
  
years for nothing.  
  
"Gaz, did you see me kicking that things ass, I mean, pow, I knocked the shit out of it."  
  
Jay was rambling, again. Gaz looked coldly over her shoulder at him through her dark amber eyes.  
  
"What?" He asked, and moved to put his arm around her shoulder. She glared at him.  
  
"Did I say you could touch me?"  
  
He looked at her, then let go.  
  
"You beat up a robot who couldn't tell, and then he danced on your stomach you pussy."  
  
For once...Jay was silenced.  
  
"I bent that one dude's antenna."  
  
Everybody stopped walking and turned around to look at the person who had spoken. Jay's mouth opened in shock as little white snow flurries  
  
began falling in the burning inferno of eternal damnation. (aka: hell) It had been none other than Silent Bob.  
  
"Fuck!" was all that came out of Jay's mouth.  
  
"Did he just talk?" Dib asked in amazement.  
  
"I don't see the big deal." Gaz stated.  
  
"Dude, you don't get it! He like, fucking NEVER talks!" Jay exclaimed.  
  
"Maybe he's just shy." Gaz suggested, becoming extremely annoyed with Jay. She honestly didn't see the big deal. She just wanted to finish  
  
playing her video game.  
  
Jay gave her a look of disbelief. "Bitch, what you playing? Talking about being shy...fuck, he's not shy. Isn't that right, yo?" Jay asked nudging  
  
Silent Bob. He just nodded in response.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~  
  
Zim sat in his lab, with one antenna, indeed bent. Gir was bouncing about the lab, bandages around his head, and a dent on his side.  
  
"Gir, stop that incessant bouncing!" Zim said loudly, turning away from his desk. Gir stopped and looked at Zim. He suddenly leaped, and clung to  
  
Zim's leg. Zim growled, and looked down at the small metal being clinging to his boots.  
  
"Gir, I have a mission for you, go to the Dib-worm's house, and find out all you can about Jay and Silent Bob! HERE!" Zim brandished Gir's  
  
"disguise" the green dog suit had a purple cat head sown badly to the top.  
  
"Yes master, I obey," the robot saluted and the zipped the uniform on. Zim began to cackle insanely and the "cat" joined in.  
  
"Now GO!"  
  
Gir stopped laughing, and held a finger to stop Zim, then continued laughing until he fell over. Then he stood up, and ran out of the lab. Gir ran into  
  
the wall, and fell down, then jumped up.  
  
Zim watched as the funny looking cat/dog thing stumbled out of the lab and winced as he heard a loud crash and  
  
another "I'm ok!" come from upstairs.  
  
Zim then turned back around in his chair and faced the large screen before him. He waited as the static cleared and the Almighty Tallest  
  
appeared on the screen. On the screen, the red Tallest poked the purple Tallest and whispered something in his ear while pointing to the  
  
screen.  
  
"He's not dead yet!?" the purple Tallest exclaimed. The other Tallest nudged him roughly and caused him to look at the screen. "Yes, Zim..." he  
  
said the name as if it was some sort of disease. "What do you want now?"  
  
"My Tallest, I have encountered two strange beings on this planet known only as Jay and Silent Bob. They seem...odd..." Zim stated while arching  
  
a "human" eyebrow.  
  
Jay stood outside the front door of Gaz's house, Silent Bob on the other side of him. He took a drag from the joint in his mouth, then looked over at Bob.  
  
"Can you believe her, not letting me smoke inside, what's up her ass all the sudden."  
  
Bob shrugged, and crushed his cigarette under his shoe. That's when they heard a load crash. The stoner jumped, and the mute man stood as if nothing happened. A small purple and green car emerged from the bushes, and over to the two.  
  
"Who are you?" came a very high, very loud voice from inside the costume.  
  
"Yo' homey, I'm Jay and Lunchbox here is Silent Bob. Who is you, ya little funny lookin' bitch?"  
  
The cat jumped and latched himself onto Jay's leg, and began drooling all over his sweats.  
  
Jay stared at the odd purplish green thing before trying to shake it off his leg.  
  
"What the fuck, it won't come off!" he continued to shake, but failed miserably as he stumbled backward on one foot and fell right into the bushes.  
  
"You stupid piece of shit, get off my leg! I am the Almighty..." Jay hesitated here for a moment before catching what he was about to say and continued by saying "I'm the Almight Jay!"  
  
Silent Bob watched on wide-eyed, as he realized what Jay had been about to say. He seemed relieved though when Jay recovered quickly.  
  
"Hey lunchbox, lay some lunch meat on this funny looking thing. It won't get off my leg."  
  
Bob then dove into the bush along with Jay, while causing quite a commotion trying to get Gir off of Jay's leg. Before he could succeed though, Gaz stepped out of the front door.  
  
"I didn't know two potheads could make so much noise. Unless you were doing something else besides sharing a smoke..."  
  
Jay jumped, and being the horndog he was, he picked up what she was hinting at immedantly. He climbed out of the bushes, but the animal clung to Jay's leg.  
  
"GET OFF YOU LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER!!" Jay yelled, and tried vainly again to remove the thing.  
  
"But, I love you, I love you so much!" it cried.  
  
"Let go," Gaz said calmly.  
  
"Only if you hug me!"  
  
Gaz recognized the thing as Zim's robot-thing.  
  
"Gir, go home."  
  
"Ok!" the robot said, released Jay, and ran off into the distance.  
  
"Dude, how'd the fuck were you able to send that gay ass cat shit back home?"  
  
"It's because I'm the biggest psycho bitch on this planet and I the power to make anything...or any piece of shit for that matter....go back to the disgusting out-house it came from and make it want to flush itself all the way back down to hell where it belongs." Gaz responded twitching one eye.  
  
"Whoa, that's cold bitch."  
  
"Yeah, you better know it too. And don't come back into the house until you're finished "relieving" yourself..." Gaz then walked back into the house slamming the door.  
  
"Dude, I said he was my "hetero life-mate" not my homosexual partner!" Jay yelled hoping she would hear him through the door.  
  
"I never said that...you're just assuming things and making yourself more obvious..." Gaz called back from inside the living room.  
  
Jay cursed in annoyment. "That stupid hoe..." He then plopped back down on the frontsteps and offered Silent Bob another whiff of his joint. He accepted and they began passing it back and forth again  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Demented Fairy: *stares*  
  
Trip: *stares* Why do we keep writing this stuff?  
  
Demented Fairy: *still staring* I have no clue.......*blinks* What kind of drugs were those that Jay had?  
  
Trip: I don't know *takes a hit* they sure good though  
  
Demented Fairy: *continues to stare* Damn good....*blinks again and looks at Trip* I want more...it's a great inspiration for me when it comes to writing stories...  
  
*Jay and Silent Bob walk up*  
  
Demented Fairy: Look! *points* It's the two homosexual potheads! *blinks*  
  
Jay: We are not gay!  
  
Trip: You'd better not be  
  
Demented Fairy: Yup, then that wouldn't be cool  
  
Trip: *to Jay* I didn't pay Kevin Smith 2 dollars for you to be *notices people are looking* WHAT??  
  
Demented Fairy: pssh...*nudges Trip* I think that should be handled in private...  
  
Jay: I ain't your hoe!  
  
Demented Fairy: We never said you were....  
  
Jay: *points at Trip* SHE DID!!  
  
Trip: Did not  
  
Demented Fairy: Yeah, she's right, she didn't. *announces cheerily* I did!  
  
Gaz: I'm telling you they're gay  
  
Gir: *to Jay* I love you!  
  
Jay: I think that things gay!  
  
Trip: What if GIR's a girl...Jay, are you a woman?  
  
Demented Fairy: Whoa...I think we better stop before this conversation gets WAY too outta hand...*thinks about that for a minute and realizes it already is* Damn...  
  
Trip: Well review!! *drags Jay off in other direction*  
  
Jay: I thought I told you to stop asking me that...  
  
Demented Fairy: how is it that she always gets the guys? *shrugs then walks off following Trip and Jay*  
  
Gir: *runs off to catch up with Demented Fairy* I LUV YOU!!!  
  
Gaz: *stays behind* Well, you heard the hoes. Review the story or die! *goes off to play her GS3* 


	5. Sweet Dreams

Gaz sat in her room with her notebook in her hand. She was sketching a picture of Jay and Silent Bob liting Dib's head on fire  
with a joint. She jumped as she heard a knock on the door, and quietly said,  
  
"Come in."  
  
Jay stuck his head inside the door and looked her over. He made is way over to the bed.  
  
"Can I sit down?"  
  
She looked him up and down, then nodded. He laid one of his legs over the other, and tugged at his skullcap.   
  
"Gaz, do you really think I'm gay?"  
  
She looked at him again then nodded again.  
  
"Fuck that shit."  
  
He turned and went to get up, that's when he saw the drawing on her lap.  
  
"Is my nose really that big?"  
  
She glared up at him, then folded her notebook closed, and set her colored pencials down. He leaned down, and caught her lips in a kiss. She  
was reluctant, but gave in. She gently pulled back and placed her hand at her mouth.  
  
"Wow that was my first kiss."  
  
"Still think I'm gay?"  
  
"Bi maybe..."  
  
"Look, I don't want to fuck Lunchbox in there," he pointed towards Dib's room.  
  
She gave him a look, and raised an eyebrow, "What you want to fuck him over there," she pointed in the direction opposite the way he was  
pointing. He looked at her encradably, then shook his head.  
  
"Gaz-you want to fuck?"  
  
She looked at him and lightening flashed in the background.  
  
The lightning continued to flash in the background as a row of thunder echoed in the sky. Gaz formed her hand in a fist and  
lifted it high in the air. Jay cowered and brought his hands up to his face, as to protect him from what was coming. But to his surprise, Gaz  
brought her hand back down quickly and looked at Jay.  
  
"Yeah, sure, why not."  
  
Jay looked at her in disbelief. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah, I don't mind."  
  
Jay then giggled in delight and attacked Gaz's face with his lips...and tongue. They both then fell backwards onto her bed and began  
doing...rather uncivilized things. Things were just beginning to get randy when...  
  
"JAY!"  
  
Jay woke up immediately from his rather...erotic dream at the sound of Silent Bob's voice. "Dude, the one time you have to say something is  
when I'm in the middle of a REALLY good dream..." Jay complained before fully realizing what was really going on. "WHOA! WHAT THE  
FUCK!?" He jumped off the couch they had been sitting on when he realized he had been on TOP of Silent Bob. He didn't want to think of what  
would have happened if Silent Bob hadn't said anything.   
  
"Dude! I was gonna fuck you!" Jay exclaimed while zipping up his pants.  
  
Silent Bob looked at him in wide-eyed shock as he thought of what horrible mental problems that would have caused him.   
  
"I think we should go ahead and go to bed. And you're sleeping on the floor!" He and Silent Bob then started down the hallway, while Silent Bob  
made sure to keep a good distance from him.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
Professor Membrane walked into his suburban house, saw his son sleeping on the couch.   
  
"Dib, why are you on the couch?"  
  
Dib rolled and tossed a little and mummbled something about Zim and being an alien, then fell back asleep.  
  
"My poor insane, big headed son."  
  
"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!"  
  
"My poor poor insane son."   
  
Professor Membrane took one last glance at his greasy faced son before heading downstairs to work on his latest invention. (I'm beginning to wonder if he ever actually sleeps.)  
  
Gaz continued to toss and turn in her bedroom, when she finally gave up and decided to go out into the kitchen for a midnight snack. She passed Dib's bedroom where Jay and Silent Bob were sleeping and heard could hear them fighting over who got the bed. Actually, it sounded more like Jay doing most of the talking.   
  
"I wonder why Bob never talks..." she mused to herself. She shrugged and continued down the hallway till she got to the living room. She noticed Dib lying pathetically on the couch with pizza on his head. She walked over to steal the slice off of his face and then made her way into the kitchen to get a drink.  
  
Gaz walked over to the fridge, she pulled the last soda from the back. She heard her dad tinkering away in the lab.  
  
"GAZ!!"  
  
She rolled her eyes, and made her way down to the lab.  
  
"Why is your brother sleeping on the couch?"  
  
"Cause Jay and Silent Bob are in his room."  
  
"Okie dokie then."  
  
Gaz began to walk back up when she was followed with.  
  
"Wait, who are Jay and Silent Bob?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~ 


	6. Bacon and Whipcream

Gaz woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and bacon.   
  
"What the fuck?" she said, the only time they ever had that stuff was when...wait, they never had that stuff. She put her robe on and made her way to the kitchen, she found Silent Bob standing over the stove and Jay sitting at the table eating spoonfuls of suger and drinking syrup.  
  
"Since when could he cook." she said sitting down across from him.  
  
"Lunchbox, he can do anything...almost anything...well, more than this mother fucker can." Jay said, digging in the sugar jar again.  
  
"Why were you guys awake at 4 this morning?"  
  
Jay seemed to get a little nervous then pointed over at Silent Bob and said, "Tubby over there woke me up."  
  
Silent Bob gave her a look that said, I had a reason.  
  
It wasn't long before Dib himself came tumbling down the stairs also for breakfast. He tripped blindy to the fridge to fix his usual meal, but stopped himself when he smelt the pancakes and bacon.   
  
"Gaz! What are you doing!? You can't eat that! He might have poisoned it!" Dib warned, almost in a panicky voice.  
  
Silent Bob turned around and give him a look that plainly stated, "freak."  
  
"Yo, cool down little shit. Don't be getting your tighty whities all in a bunch," Jay replied, spitting sugar and dripping syrup.  
  
"Absolutely repolsive," Dib said whie turning away and fixing himself a bowl of cereal.  
  
He sat down beside Gaz as Silent Bob flopped two pancakes onto her plate along with several strips of bacon.  
  
Dib looked at it hungrily. It looked rather appetizing. No! Do not give into the starchy-meat goodness! he scolded himself.   
  
"Jay, pass the syrup," Gaz commanded casually.  
  
"Sure thing sugar bitch," he muttered while passing it over.   
  
Gaz took the syrup and glared at Jay, "Either stop calling me a bitch or I'll kick you dick off, that is, if you have one."  
  
He pushed the table into her and the room fell dark on everyone but Jay, Gaz, and the table, Dib and Bob fell into darkness. She jumped onto the table and held a pair of scissors like a sword.  
  
"Where the fuck did you get those?" Jay said, crossing his legs. She bent over and pulled his skullcap off and cut it in half.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!!! Not my HAT!! I LOVE MY HAT!!" he stared blankly down at his hat and didn't even look up until Gaz handed a ponytail to him as she jumped off the table and the room lit back up. Jay stood up and held the ponytail.  
  
"What the shit is this?"  
  
He looked over and Dib started laughing and even Silent Bob shook with "silent" laughed.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
Gaz picked up a piece of bacon and hand Jay a spoon to look in, and that's when he caught on, and screamed  
  
"What the fuck! You are one sick twisted bitch, you mother fucker!" Jay exclaimed as he started at his now shoulder length hair.   
  
Gaz chuckled evily and bit down on her bacon, making sure to give it a rough jerk as she took a bite. She munched menacingly on the fried pork before spitting the remains in Jay's face. She snapped her fingers and the lights came back on.  
  
"You sick fuck! Did you see that, lunchbox? She spit chunks of bacon bits on my face! That is one sexy hoe! I wonder what it would taste like with whip-cream..." Jay said, wondering thoughtully on his last few words. He licked his lips as a sliver of bacon slid down his face.   
  
"Hmmm...it'd taste like chicken," he answered, while looking suggestively at Gaz.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Dib shouted as bad mental images entered his mind. "That's my sister you're talking about!"  
  
Gaz glared at Jay. "The only thing you'll be doing with whip-cream is an activity that would probably involve you, and the bathroom."  
  
Jay stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"And you'll be thinking of Silent Bob."  
  
At this, Silent Bob looked at Jay in bewilderment, hoping that wouldn't be true.   
  
"Dude, of course not! That's sick, man!"  
  
"If anything, he thinks about you," came a voice they hadn't heard in a while.  
  
"Zim?" they all said and looked on in bewilderment.  
  
"Yes, I want to know more of the WORMBABIES!!!" he pointed a Jay and Bob, then sat down and pulled out a note pad.  
  
"Ok, now, tell me about you WEAZELS!!"  
  
"Oh I'll tell you about the weazels, mother fucker." Jay jumped at him, but Gaz held him back and said.  
  
"Leave him alone."  
  
Gaz walked up to Zim and mencicingly said, "Get the FUCK out of here NOW!"  
  
Zim laughed and pushed a button on the notepad. Spider legs came out of the cieling and held the siblings and the stoners against the wall forefully and Gaz landed ontop of Jay. Jay turned to Silent Bob and said, "See man, she's all over me."  
  
Jay started making "funny" noises, but Gaz kicked him where it counts and fell forward wheezing.  
  
"Hey! That's delicate equipment there! Handle with care."  
  
"Fuck off." Gaz replied simply.  
  
"Gladly," Jay said while winking at Silent Bob. Silent Bob just rolled his eyes. He sometimes worried about his hetero-life mate. Hell, he even sometimes worried if his "life-mate" was still hetero. Gaz kicked him again as Zim started writing down in his notebook.  
  
Zim scribbled carelessly in his notepad while muttering, "Will make interesting test subjects, especially the blonde one. Oddly familiar..."  
  
"And what planet did you say you were from?" Zim asked aloud to Jay.  
  
"From Earth, you sick fuck. Now let go of me!" Jay shouted.  
  
"No, no, stinkbeast. That's not possible. Your behavior proves otherwise."  
  
"I dare you!" Dib exclaimed. "How can you say that when YOUR behavior is more disturbing then those two combined!"  
  
Zim's eye twitched. "I highly doubt that."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Trip: *tear*  
  
*Silent Bob gives her a kleenex*  
  
Trip: Demented Fairy had to leave before we could do the a/n so i'm lonley *tear*  
  
Jay: You got me Sugar Bitch  
  
Gaz: Hey, i thought i was ur sugar bitch *lighting flash in background*  
  
*Jay looks between Trip and Gaz then hides behind Silent Bob*  
  
*Gaz walks over to Trip*  
  
Gaz: I could do the shit does, what does she do?  
  
Trip: First you have to-  
  
*Gaz starts playing her Game Slave 3*  
  
Trip: -right, well, please review, and tell Dementria to come back! *tear again*  
  
*Silent Bob gives Trip a hug, and they walk off leaving Jay and Gaz behind*  
  
*Jay looks nervious and pulls a beanie out of his jacket puts it on*  
  
Jay: Yo, tons of fun, wait up!  
  
*Gaz watches him run off and sits down and keeps playing her GS3*  
  
*Zim shows up*  
  
Zim: Review or surender to your meaty fate! GIR GET OFF MY HEAD!!  
  
*Gir jumps off Zim's head*  
  
*Gaz get up and walks away*  
  
Gir: COME BACK, I LUV YOU!!!  
  
*Gir runs off after Gaz*  
  
Zim: GIR COME BACK! OBEY THE FIST  
  
*Zim runs off after Gir shaking his fist* 


End file.
